Imagine for a second that Butler beat Duke for the NCAA Championship. Imagine that Gordon Heyward DRILLED the last second half-court heave, and that there was complete joy & euphoria & widespread economic prosperity throughout all of America.
But imagine that it was short-lived.
Because for demonstrative purposes, imagine that the referee WAIVED OFF the final shot because of an illegal screen set by Matt Howard a split-second before the shot was launched. Personal foul. No basket. Duke wins. America riots & martial law is declared.
In some parallel universe, perhaps this happened. And in that parallel universe, head referee Brody Boreheart explained his controversial call in a postgame press-conference. This is that press conference.
* * *
BOREHEART: It’s unfortunate that it came down to this, but not really. Because as a referee, I react to the situation. I don’t create it. If I see a foul, I’m calling it. Period. No exceptions. A foul is a foul is a foul, and with God as my witness, I was put on this earth to identify those fouls and call them. I apologize for nothing.
REPORTER: That seems needlessly rigid, don’t you think? I mean, at some point, shouldn’t the referee just let the game play out? Shouldn’t the referee just let the PLAYERS dictate the outcome? Why did you feel the need to step in?
BOREHEART: Because according to Rule 4-59, Section 2, subsection (c), that young man set an illegal screen. The rule is clear. It is unambiguous. And I quote:
It is a personal foul if the screener sets a “blind” screen (outside the visual field) on a moving defender and doesn’t allow ample time to stop or change directions; usually one to two strides.
That Butler hippie didn’t give the Duke kid the requisite space or time so that he may have avoided the screen. That is a foul, according to the rules. And without rules, we are a rudderless society. Without rules, we are animals and we are doomed.
REPORTER: You’ve crushed America’s spirit on a technicality?
BOREHEART: A foul is a foul is a foul, son. There are no “technicalities” when it comes to rules. Nor is there room for subjectiveness. Here. Let us watch the film. The infraction is as clear as day.
I frankly can’t understand what all the fuss is about. It really wasn’t a difficult call to make. THAT is an illegal screen. The end.
REPORTER: The “fuss,” sir, is that you took the game out of the players’ hands. YOU dictated the outcome, and you did it in an ultra-rigid fashion based on a strict interpretation of the rules. Was that “technically” an illegal screen? Yeah, probably. And maybe that’s even the right call in the early stages of the game — you know, to send a message. Maybe. And even THAT’S debatable. But on the final shot? At the buzzer??? Knowing that your call will literally take a win away from one team and just hand it to the other??? Does that not strike you as a bit … harsh?
BOREHEART: Not at all. A foul is a foul is a foul. Regardless of when it occurs. It is what it is.
REPORTER: Well that’s just the point. A foul IS a foul, you’re right. But that doesn’t mean it should ALWAYS be called, without exception, especially in the final —
BOREHEART:Listen, I met with the players and the coaches from both teams before the game. I calmly and clearly explained that if you’re going to set a backscreen, you MUST give them adequate room see the screen and react to it. They KNEW the rule. It’s just that simple.
REPORTER: Well, it’s not that simple. America is in turmoil right now. And Omaha, Nebraska is no more. It’s been wiped off the map. So too have dozens of other cities where violent looting and pillaging is taking place right now. All because you chose rigidity over common sense … all because you chose the LETTER of the law over the spirit of it. You GAVE Duke that win. They didn’t earn it.
BOREHEART: I don’t know what to tell you. It is what it is. A foul is a foul is a foul. I did my job.
REPORTER: Jesus.
The Silent Pagodarchives 
In parallel universe #4096 where Duke = Penske/Ganassi and Butler = Sarah Fisher Racing/Dale Coyne, then I might consider being down with the pillaging and looting of Nebraska or any of the plains states in protest, otherwise, me ears have plumb gone deef to the incessant whining. *dons Nomex suit* Sorry, Helio-lovers/Brian-bashers out there, IndyCar foul > Basketball foul.
Can the NCAA fire Brody Boreheart?
That screen still sends chills down my spine. I love it.
George, the NCAA might not be able to fire Brody, but they can never assign him to these games again. Or worse, send him to referee Summit League women’s basketball.
Hobbson,
Good luck when “Brody Boreheart” comes down to your desk this afternoon and has Security Chief Charles stuff you in a trash can and escort you from the building. You had a good run, lad.
By the way, in your alternate universe, I like to think that I’m the one who touched off the destruction of Omaha when I reacted to the waiving off of the Heyward basket by marching down to the Old Market and throwing a trashcan through the front window of Zio’s Pizza, Mookie-style. I also like to think that in that world, I’m romantically entangled with a Rosie Perez-type without the horrendous accent. I think maybe I’m going to spend my afternoon in that alternate universe today.
To be honest, I would agree with the hypothetical ref. If you’re going to ignore the rules for the sake of giving Butler a chance, why not just declare that, even though the ball didn’t technically go “in” the hoop, it was quite close, and it was a very good shot, so the points should count? Which rules are OK to ignore, anyway?
I’m not saying Barnhart should be fired. Not at all. I like him quite a bit & I think he does a fine job on most days.
Just not on Sunday.
Because when it comes down to nut-crunch time, there won’t be an illegal screen called in basketball … there won’t be a holding called in football … and there shouldn’t be a blocking called in racing.
Let the players play. Or the drivers drive. Whatever.
I like Helio, and wish he had won Edmonton. But you can’t dismiss the blocking just because it happened at the end of the race! C’mon, Silent Pagoda!!! Leave BB alone. It was his duty to make that call. Unfortunately, he did the right thing.
.. On a different topic, all 4 KV cars finished the race and thus the Vasser/ Kalkhoven liqour cabinet they keep to numb the pain of having 3 nut job drivers (and Paul Tracy) stayed shut for the first race this season.
Roy, fine. I don’t agree with the rule that you cannot block. I think you should be able to block in some occasions. But then, we have to change the rules so everyone is racing with the same guidelines. IRL officials cannot make exceptions when they feel it is fair.
Jason, not only the KV guys finished the race, but they were all TOP 9. I am happy for J. Vasser and K. Kalkhoven. They deserved this break.
“officials cannot make exceptions when they feel it is fair.”
This is PRECISELY what they should do. And it cuts both ways. If Power retaliated by launching a mortar-shell attack on Helio’s car, so be it. That TOO is a no-call. Swallow the whistle.
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Oh, c’mon! Imagine what we would hear if BB would not have made that call. People would wonder if the officials were benefiting Penske (I know, I know, both cards were Penske, but look at the outcome). And we, as a sport, certainly do not want that, do we?
Jason, at this point in the year, I have a feeling the KV boys have driven Vasser & Kalkhoven to such a mental state to where nothing will keep them from hitting that liquor cabinet – and hitting it hard – following the race.
And I can’t say I blame them.
A rule is only enforcable when punishment for violating the rule is applied equally. Helio was punished for blocking. Viso was punished for avoidable contact. Danica was… given a pass for the same avoidable contact Viso got tagged for (allegedly told on radio she was cited, but never given the penalty). Wasn’t Helio tagged for blocking at Belle Isle a few years back? But wasn’t the penalty for him to just relinquish the position, not a drive-through?
I don’t like the rule, and I’ve got my doubts about the judge/executioner. Seems we need a bit more equality when doling out penalties.
I think it was the right call. BB explicitly told the drivers the rule before the race – you cannot be on the inside of the track going into the turn unless you’re passing. Helio chose not to follow that rule. Power expected Helio to follow the rule, and when he didn’t, Power had to try a last second outside pass and got screwed. ALSO, if Power had decided to not follow the rule too, Helio would never have gotten past him in the first place!
That being said…. IT’S A HORRIBLE RULE. This rule drops its pants and takes a big dump on everything we fans know as racing. The problem was that all the cars but one were still following it, and that one car got rightfully punished.
A couple of days ago I was at a Walgreen’s buying orange juice. I got up to the counter and the guy asked me how much it was. I told him I thought it was $4.29. He said, “for orange juice? I’ll give it to you for $3.99…that seems like a lot for orange juice.”
Now, I’m much more inclined to go to a Walgreen’s over say a CVS. Not because of the $0.30 mind you, but because the guy decided not to take the time to go down the juice aisle and get the exact price and follow the likely rules of that company. No, he decided to make an interpretation on the matter and while his company may have lost $0.30 on this transaction it gained my future loyalties.
The same thing applies in sport. Sometimes following the letter of the law is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Man, after watching whiny Alonso bitch his way into getting Ferrari to make Massa pull over, I was expecting something at least competitive from IndyCar.
Instead, we have another race marred by Brian Barnhart. It’s getting tougher and tougher to watch Indy races with their inferior equipment. The last thing the sport needs is this megalomaniac thinking he’s the show.
I’m not going to complain about Brian Barnhart anymore, I’m just not going to watch or attend the races until he gets the boot.
I think it’s safe to assume that anyone who believes you can’t ignore a rule at the end of a game/race or asks “then how do you decide which rules are okay to ignore” never played competitive sports. If they did, they would know you HAVE to ignore rules sometimes. And that it happens all the time. And the sport is better for it. The referee has to be able to appreciate the situation – which is how Roy put it in this column from 2008 which is completely appropriate for this situation.
http://silentpagoda.com/blog/2008/09/04/detroit-recap/
I am trying to picture the opposite of this situation: imagine that BB never called Helio on the blocking and that the teams and drivers complained about the rules not being applied fairly. That would have been very damaging to the sport. BB’s call was not an easy one, but he had to do it.
Willie C, it’s one thing for a ref to swallow his whistle in hockey or football when the infraction is subjective. However, Helio was breaking a rule clearly defined by geometry (a giant line on the runway, in this case). You might see a ref swallow his whistle for a hooking call, but you aren’t going to see him ignore a blatant offsides call just because it’s the end of the game. You’re comparing apples and oranges here.
@Mikhail Matt Howard broke “a rule clearly defined by geometry” as well. Because do you see how Kyle Singler’s head snaps back at a crsiply acute negative-200-degree angle? See how his spinal column is equianglular to the floor? Them’s some geometrical infractions right there! BAM!!! HERE COMES THE PAIN!!! (And of course — no call. Nor should there have been.)
This debate is decidedly un-Pagoda-y. It makes the passive lazy half of my brain cry. The riled up Foyt-like half of my brain thinks we should have a good ol’ fashioned riot. Barnhart & all supporters get whatever they can pry off of Milka’s car, everyone else gets one of those poles the numbers are on when a car comes in to pit. And go!
the nominees for pagodas are almost as numerous as the entry points to the turns. a few suggestions…
any press is good press – plus pagodas
chief steward becoming a story line – minus pagodas
team mate throwing you under the bus by sheepishly agreeing with pit reporter that he was blocked (shake yourself Will) – minus multiple “intra-team karma” pagodas
roy’s analogy – plus pagodas
charles’ handling of the situation (at least from my couch view) – plus “classy” pagodas
maniacal driver grabbing the head of security/redwood tree & shaking him like a condemned man pleading for his life (I still find myself giggling) – they don’t make that many pagodas – priceless.
Guess who’s getting fouled on game pt next time he has the ball? Don’t even think about calling “ball” after this post. Let the players play!!!
Bickelmom, you are most certainly a treasure. Glad you’re here, annnnd ‘Unpagodaey’ IS most certainly now a word. Look it up tomorrow on wikipedia, I’ll have it up by then.
Any call that results in security Chief Charles making sportscasts across America is a good call in my book.
So a red car, blocked a red car, and another red car won. Meh. Hobbson, this wasn’t Butler vs. Duke. This was Duke vs. North Carolina. Either way a blue team from the Triangle wins.
Now if the call robbed Sarah Fisher / Dale Coyne / DRR / Foyt / KV etc… from a win, then I’m swinging the impact wrench with bicklemom.
(As for KV, I think the key to these guys finishing Top 10 is that Jimmy and KK opened the liquor cabinet before the race. Nothing goes better with Scotch than Viso-Berry-Juice)
If the calls were consistent, it would be understandable, but the call on Helio is the only consistency Barnhart knows. I do not miss a race and many drivers get a warning or nothing, only Helio, was he supposed to pull over and let arrogant Will win
In some parallel universe, events would be different indeed.
A racing organization would stage events at the most appropriate venues available, negotiating sanctioning fees which were commensurate with their ability to demonstrate a return to the track owner, promoter and event sponsors.
The organization would then reinvest a portion of these fees in a “Marketing Department”. That department would be responsible for developing and implementing effective local promotions in advance of each event. It would also oversee the scope and content of internet marketing and social media sites.
Coordination of the independent advertising campaigns of Series sponsors would also be enacted, to insure that millions of good dollars are not wasted on dozens of bad ideas.
Proactive steps would be taken by said organization to release only those public statements which shape their media image, instead of having to react to it.
Regular assessments would be made to measure the effect of each promotion, and of the capabilities demonstrated by each of the persons responsible for the tasks listed.
That way, this imaginary racing organization does not have smear campaigns running on its own sites, and on the sites of most writers in the community…including the ones they sanction.
That way, people who preside over years of bad publicity and failed policy don’t get to stay long enough to leave a legacy…like this blog, for example. Or the long list of the nation’s best racetracks, which refuse to pay an exorbitant price for a dog that won’t hunt.
Readers will dismiss my comments as sarcasm, since that is the norm here. Sarcasm can be used as an effective shield for a writer: he can deliver his point, but still create enough ambiguity to escape from taking responsibility for his position when the reaction demands it.
Those are the parallel universes. The way the IRL does business, and the alternative track I just described.
And I don’t have to watch the next race to see who’s running on the wrong side of the line.
Andy Bernstein
Sharpest pencil in the box, particularly when it comes to editing. I try not to fall on mine. How’s that working out for you?
just a well written article. this writer is remarkable in showing the truth of what happened and how one rigid person just handed a win to an undeserving driver. thanks for the article
I keep hating the time it takes you to write this stuff after the action, but once written I remember how much I love it. Your view is quite interesting, considering you are a lawyer and in most circumstances, you arguement would only appeal to a jury… a judge would squash your ass. I believe the answer to everyone on here’s problem lies IN THE RULE, not it being called. Blocking rules make sense on ovals, NOT ROAD COURSES. You fight for your position, you do not voluntarily give it up because you can’t take a specified line into a turn. Why, I believe that is called the benefits of leading the race…you choose your own line. In summation, dear jury, I then compel you to make a stand here and DO NOT VOTE guilty or not guilty, but vote for a change in the system. And this is the only time I will EVER say this, but IRL needs to adopt NASCAR rules for Road Racing… Have at it boys. And don’t give me no sh!t that carnage and prices for broken parts would ensue. Carnage is what you need and the parts don’t cost d!ck (ref: KV Racing).
Forgot to mention, since Power was the victim of the blocking, shouldn’t he have been awarded the win?? Just saying, something seems odd about Dixon getting to inherit the win after a call is made. Should a foul mean reset?
Regarless of the controversy on the last lap in Toronto, was this same “infraction” committed during the course of the race at the same or different portions of the track? If so. how many, where, who was involved, and were there penalties issued?
To quote Andy from above:
Oh, Andy. Nobody is dismissing you for your sarcasm. No, we’re dismissing you for every reason EXCEPT that. Because “escaping responibility for [my] position” is quite IMPOSSIBLE when my position is to lambaste my employer on the very site they created.
OH HOW I PRAY INDYCAR DOESN’T READ THIS POST!!! THAT way, I can escape responsibility!! It’s foolproof!!!
/sarcasm
Can someone please explain why Danicat was´nt flag at Texas???
Andy, that is an idiotic comment if I ever read one. Part of the greatness that is truth, or smearing as you put it, is that after a call has been made and a line in the sand draw between fan A and fan B, both fans can read articles on their side of the sand. It is a great unjustice of self-journalism to never note the noteworthy, deragatory or not. I commend Mr. Roy Hobbson for the articulate manner in which he chooses to voice a criticism of the employer he works for that starts from the fan in which it originated. Carry on Willy T. Ribbs. There’s something human about an entity that allows it’s dirty laundry to be aired, and humans are cool.
I think Andy must work for the govt. Either that or Beyond Petroleum. I wonder how he feels about wikileaks?
Also, @Roy – your rebuttal to my argument made me laugh, as does everything you write. Keep it up!
To Roy:
You have the freedom to exercise your own discretion, and previously found out what the limits were.
So you write a piece to rip Barnhart, but keep it “under the cap” by not calling for his head. That’s for everyone else to do, and they already had plenty of blog ammo and mob mentality to load up on.
Too bad there isn’t any discretion written into the blocking rule. It’s not a judgment call. It’s a selective enforcement call in your mind, not in the book Barnhart is given to enforce.
You took a cheap shot, screen or not.
Go look at every social media site sanctioned by the IRL. Then tell me a little more lambaste was in order, or that the dirty laundry being aired is beneficial for the entity.
What I see is damage without the damage control.
To the patriot: Pity your eloquent prose is not shared between fan A and fan B on IndyCar’s Facebook page. I’ll ask you to expound on the virtues of the human discourse there, since my perspectives are idiotic.
But I’ll leave you with one other, to demonstrate the failure of an entity to manipulate its own media. Among all the bad press, a small gem appeared this morning.
Lotus announced that they will be manufacturing aero kits for the 2012 Dallara chassis. One of many unfulfilled expectations was delivered.
About six hours later, this press release is issued:
“IZOD INDYCAR SERIES OFFICIALS TO MEET WITH HELIO CASTRONEVES”.
Pardon me, I’ll have to question that judgment call. And the pattern it exemplifies.
Andy — I like your moxie. You know, free men built these halls, and there is no censoring here. Nobody will jump your shit for disagreeing. Also, we all tend to needle eachother here. It’s what we do. Nothing vicious … just good natured sport when the moment calls for it. (Den Mother Bickelmom never lets things get untoward or mean-spirited.)
I wanted all that clear before I presented you with a wildly realistic re-enactment of your latest comment:
How you managed to construe my latest comment as an apology is over my head.
But much like the babbling gentleman in your cartoon, you managed to respond to every point I raised without a single coherent response…
Other than to salute your own integrity, that is. Well done, to both you and your employers, for the self-effacing satire that humors your fans by the dozens.
I find the IRL’s image to be laughable, for every reason EXCEPT that. Knock yourselves out.
Why yes, I DO “salute” myself often around here.
[smoothes hair back suavely, confidently … blows an air-kiss to the ladies]
But so what? That is what powerful & handsome men do. I squeeze in as many self-saluting exaltations as I can — usually when I’m not explaining how remarkably fat & stupid & woefully ill-prepared I am for this job.
So let me get this straight: you’re powerful, handsome, well-groomed and woefull ill-prepared for your job?
When did you start, six months ago?
This chair has sat idly by while Mr. Bernstein has made his opinions known. His latest salvo has made it necessary for it to respond….
“…salute your own integrity”? Really? I’m quite certain that comment hasn’t been uttered since the East India Trading Company enjoyed its monopoly in the 17th century.
“..humors your fans by the dozens.” What are you going to do next Mr. Bernstein? Ingeniously suggest a lack of male virility on the part of the state of Montana for its lack of population density? Sweet Jesus, man. You step foot inside this hallowed sanctuary designed to make boorish and crude commentary on any number of things. These topics can (and do) range from racing to the validity of an advanced degree in taxidermy. In other words, we are not a body that takes shit too seriously.
You, on the other hand, stroll in here like an adjunct professor in entymology from the Tallahassee Community College. Here’s a suggestion, and I’m going to speak for this entire body (which I am typically reluctant to do): chill the fuck out. If this is too difficult for you, or lies outside your Myers Briggs results, I suggest you spend your free time discussing the merits of Porter generic strategies on a marketing message board.
Hopefully you stick around….provided you take a Quaalude with a Hennessy chaser prior to making your opinions known. We will all be the better for it. Thank you, Sir.
Ooh! Ooh! Me too! Roy’s so fat that when…uh…hmmm. I don’t have anything good there. How ’bout, Roy’s so dumb that whenever he goes outside…boy…this stuff is harder than it looks.
Andy, we’re not curing cancer around here. If you hadn’t noticed, something along the lines of 95% of what gets discussed is a humorous take on what’s going on (and the folks who start the other 5% of conversations dealing with serious stuff usually get a bucket of slime dumped on their heads because there are dozens of other places you can take that stuff). Really, lighten up. Besides, I thought that nobody was watching? Are the millions of fans who aren’t watching IndyCar deciding to do so beacuse Roy’s taking the wee-wee out of series officials, Chip Ganassi, Scott Dixon, Marco Andretti, Danica, Tomas Scheckter, and dozens of other people right on this here site? Funny, but it seems like having a self-effacing side of the series actually ENHANCES my fandom. Guess I’m a weirdo, though. Oh…wow. THAT’S what my screen name means. I just got that joke. Man, I’m slow.
For the record, Parlimentarian Phelps’s much better response hadn’t posted yet when I started typing my sophomoric rejoinder. I defer to your vastly superior regulatory skills, Your Excellency. I do hope you can call off the flock of turkey buzzards you likely were in the process of releasing over my neighborhood.
Larry,
As long as you’re passing out Quaaludes with shots of Hennessy, can I have one too? All these big words, and impassioned debate on the Pagoda is giving me a headache. More drugs and a youtube video of Polar Bears flying fighter jets might just be the cure I need. Lord knows more serious discussion of the intricacies of the rule book ain’t gonna do the job.
To Mr. Phelps:
Your articulate and abstract metaphors have disarmed my sensibilities…which obviously is a common occurrence. Hence the redundancy of your drug and alcohol recommendations, although I thank you for your expertise.
Naivety, I’m afraid, is the the intoxicant that guides my consciousness. In fact, such foolish behavior ushered my arrival here.
“Willy T. Ribbs Report” says the byline, so I open the jar to see what a real racer has to say about the comedies and tragedies on the contemporary stage. What a rube.
Out pop the silly snakes, and the private little jokes are on me. Expletives included.
I’ll thank you, and the entire body for whom you speak, for your cordial offer of fellowship. Sadly, I must decline.
And I’ll also apologize for interjecting my comments on discretion, propriety, priority, and pragmatism. To this body, those are nothing more than abstract metaphors.
The floor is yielded back to you: although now you can laugh at all them funny pee words I left on it. Skol.
Andy, this is a topical humor blog with an established independent, “does-not-reflect-the-views-of” voice. When the IndyCar topic of the day is overwhelmingly a given event, it would look awfully funny to avoid mention of that event here. And given the nature of the blog, it would look awfully funny for the author to suddenly adopt the corporate line when controversy erupts.
Perhaps your argument is that there should be no Silent Pagoda as it is currently constructed…”the failure of an entity to manipulate its own media”…and maybe you’re right. Maybe. But there is a Silent Pagoda and there is an audience and it is here precisely because of how the Pagoda is constructed. Perhaps we don’t need this “audience of dozens”…perhaps instead of the Pagoda IndyCar should have a lovely corporate vanilla blog in which it presents itself in a lovely corporate vanilla way the world. And such a blog could have up to, say, 13 honest corporate writers instead of one loose cannon hack.
Maybe that sort of concept would attract a larger, more mature audience and at the same time not turn away fans from the sport in droves by lambasting the buzzkillingtonness of its sanctioning decisions. Or maybe not.
But the point remains: you are barking up the wrong tree. The Silent Pagoda is here to be a certain thing and it is being EXACTLY that thing. You want to change that? You REALLY think that’s what’s needed here? Then call up the IRL office.
No? Ok, then for the love of G-…er, Barnhart (I think he’d appreciate the substitution), recognize that you’re WAY out of our league and move on!
BC-
That’s what I’m talking about. Cheers to you, buddy. Is it noon yet? [Checks clock, does math to adjust to Eastern Daylight] Close enough! Barwench! Er, I mean…Bicklemom! A round of flaming Goldschlager shots with WorldWide Stout chasers, posthaste!
HA! World Wide Stout chasers! I think you have just defined the word “Epic.” And described my solo weeknight parties (which certain “loved ones” and “parole officers” would argue is not exactly the same thing. But I digress…)
Mr. Bernstein,
Thanks for injecting proper English prose and spirited debate into our trailer today. Mr. Hobbson and I were discussing the fine points you’ve made while enjoying our caviar and fine brandy during lunch, it is our standard Friday tradition. Our Friday luncheon usually includes discussion of cricket, NASA programs, curing cancer, and the status of our fine American educational system. But today we discussed you.
Now, with that said, I’d like to thank you for visiting. Your nose is too far in the air for you to realize it, but we love having you. For you bring smugness and arrogance that we feast and prey upon. See, we don’t give a damn about the intricacies of the sport and it’s mass appeal. We’re social commentarians (made this up), and Roy is our leader. He fuels us with ideas and we run, run, and run with them. Each time not knowing which direction we’re going. We just go, not because we care, but because we enjoy the creativity and freedom given to us by Roy and the SP.
So thank you for visiting and please come back. Just do so without the big cork up your ass.
Can’t we all just get along?
Sincerely,
R. King.
Sounds like you guys need a vacation to Izod Island…
Seriously, I go away for THREE DAYS and there’s a scuffle that Phelps can’t bring under control no matter how hard he slams his gavel, Bickelmom goes absent, and the posts now all have waaaaaayyyyy to many words in them.
Kee-ryst, I had to go to a NASCAR forum for a while just to relax.
You’re all being very unDude.
I can’t read this much. I only read comments shorter than what can fit on my iPhone screen on horizontal. I think we can all settle this with a simple, “SO’S YOUR FACE” and be done with it.
There you have it. The Den Mother has spoken. Done, it is. Very good then.
[bored silence]
So now what?
[fills up 400 balloons with urine]
BICKELMOM!!! CAN WE GO THROW THESE AT PEOPLE RUNNING THE FITNESS TRAIL AT EAGLE CREEK PARK?!?!?!? PLEEEAASSE????
Um, Gross. Why don’t you go do something constructive?
And what have you been drinking that you have 400 balloons worth of urine?!
JEEZE. Mr. Berstein please. As that noted mediator Charles Burns recently suggested to Helio…”BREATHE”
Ron, Charles Burns said “Laugh”, not “Breath” (well, maybe both.) And that is definitely what we all should do now. Relax a little, and laugh. If Helio was able to do it, then we all should able to do it too.
Can we stop being all serious now after 61 comments? Geez. Enough already. Break out the scotch! Urine balloons for everybody!
Oh my goodness! Someone stumbled onto this site, full of…um…urine and vineger and somehow missing the whole point of this column by Mssr Hobbson. Allow me to interject an erudite observation from the dictionary:
Humor: that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing
If this columnist and this column in particular and the gentleman in objection are not clearly defined in the above, I can not cogitate on whatelse can be done.
Regarding Helio reaching *UP* to grab Charles Burns’ shirt, well, let’s go back to the dictionary for another definition of humor, specifically GALLOWS humor: humor that makes fun of a life-threatening, disastrous, or terrifying situation. Here I thought Roy captured the situation perfectly! 😉
Gentlemen (and Ladies) we digress: please let us adjourn to our leather club chairs and enjoy a fine, aged Porto with our cuban cigars and cogitate on our next plots for world domination…
By Roy Hobbson, July 29, 2010 @ 3:12 pm:
“Nobody will jump your shit for disagreeing.”
Looks like that was more sarcasm that went over my head.
To bickelmom: After leaving your period on this column, apparently some of the faithful are still unsatisfied. No accounting for taste, I guess.
What prompted my reappearance was your screen name, not your contribution. Are you Judy Bickel? Are you a paid IRL staffer too?
And if so, are you also responsible for content on the IRL Facebook page? Or is that Jarrod Krisiloff’s job?
It’s not like I’m going to start a witch hunt or anything, that’s not my style. I just want to make sure to get the facts straight before writing a piece on my blog about it.
Seems a commentary on the job performance of IRL personnel is a timely topic. I can even couch it in sarcasm, and use a snappy metaphor for the title like “The IRL’s Glass House”. That way I can include stoner jokes, and no one will take me too seriously.
And since I’m no media mogul like the bloggers represented here, not many people will read it anyway. The last entry didn’t get more than 500 hits, and I’m not smart enough to figure out how many more people read the reprinted text.
So please bickelmom, add your point of exclamation. The last thing I want to do is write some sarcastic piece of crap without having facts to validate my opinion.
That would give too many people an excuse to jump my shit.
At least I know that can’t happen here anymore, since the guy who writes this blog and the person who supervises it put an end to that. I’m not familiar with a “urine balloon”, but at least their word holds that much value.
Dear Mr. Bernstein: Thank you for getting up early to add more serious humor to the proceedings. In your own way you are at least as entertaining as Roy and almost as funny as George Will.
As for your desire to avoid writing some sarcastic piece of crap, I think that train has left the station.
Surely you jest…Roy’s humor is out of my league, and George Will’s baseball book was one of the funniest things I ever read.
Very proactive thinking though, to insult me for an article that has yet to be authored. Good hit, dude.
Randy B. needs to call in the clowns.
My, how happy I am that Mr. Bernstein has found the Pagoda. He turns my site into a flame war, so I come to the Pagoda to relax and get some light-hearted sarcasm, only to find that he is now spreading his poison over here.
May I presume to add something to so astute a group as this, keeping in mind that this is my first attempt to venture into the combined wisdom that holds forth at this location? I don’t presume to be able to achieve the level of humor here, ever. I hope you don’t mind that I stop by to enjoy it, the humor that is.
At the age of 50 I started refereeing soccer and for 15 years thereafter, starting with 10 year olds and progressing through high school, small college and adult leagues. In all, around 2300 games, what was I thinking? Oh yes, my former wife stated that she was leaving me – – after she finished college – – – and had worked for a while.
There are two basic types of competition officials in a practical “on the field” sense. The FIRST: Don’t call any fouls in the last two minutes/last five laps/ last whatever applies; let the players determine the outcome of the match. The SECOND: If it is a foul in the first minute of play, then it is a foul in the last minute of play. I don’t know how the numbers breakdown exactly, but using the 80/20 rule; 80% or so of officials likely are Type ONE, and 20% or less are Type TWO.
Coaches, at least the “big number” coaches zero in on the Type One officials and teach their competitors “how to foul” during this final “I’m not going to blow my whistle” portion of the match. This also sets up the board for some highly emotional confrontations when a Type TWO official is encountered in a close competition. I can you tell this from experience.
Next, we have the situation where the rules do not recognize these two types of officiating and cannot accommodate them equally. Cast in point: During a race a driver will be warned if he or she is blocking. After being warned, the driver who blocks again will be penalized. A recent blog asked: During the Indy 500 Mrs. Hospenthal and Graham Rahal were warned for blocking, but only Graham was penalized, why?
Another blogger a bit closer to the situation responded: Because Mrs. Hospental did not block after the warning, and Graham Rahal did.
Near the end of the 2008 Detroit Belle Isle race, Helio was flagged for blocking Justin Wilson and had to move over and let Justin pass. Justin won the race. Helio’s anger and comments after the race were that “I was never warned”. Sure, he was playing the system, but still, the rule as apparently written cannot accommodate or distinguish a beginning race foul from a foul as the race is ending. That is, the foul at the end of the race must be administered “without the warning”. Do the rules state at which lap in a race that the warning light (the smoking lamp) is turned off? The IRL has painted themselves into a corner that they cannot get themselves out of, and in the meantime, Mr. Barnhard is standing there with egg on his face. This can result in some really, really weird race finishes.
The above post by “magnetos uber alles” is interesting and thought provoking as opposed to Mr. Bernstein who is simply provoking. Thanks for taking the time.
I particularly enjoyed “Mrs. Hospenthal”. Nice touch! Wouldn’t it be fun if the race announcers were to identify her as such throughout the next race.
Apparently “Mrs. Hospenthal” isn’t the only one who needs a sightline—AND attitude—adjustment.
To George Phillips:
I comment on blogs in response to the authors’ content, in the space provided by the author for that purpose.
That has proven to be a mistake on the few occasions…none of which are recent…when I read something you had written and responded to it.
“Flame wars” are the result, just like the conflagration that has been allowed to continue here. They are started by respondents who write to attack other posters, not to address the columnist or his content.
Flame wars propagate when the person responsible for the blog does nothing to maintain decorum or keep the discussion on point. You wear that jacket well.
Read this comment chain, George. Read what I wrote, and the content of the subsequent flame jobs. The flame jobs are not fueled with points raised by the blog author, or challenges to the positions I presented.
They are character assassination directed at me, and blanket endorsements of the blogger. The latter, I have no reason to defend against.
Your comment is a more egregious example. The blogger and his supervisor had already called for an end to this needless parry and thrust. Read what you wrote, George. It’s grunt and scribble, just like you column.
I came back to this dicussion for the stated reason, which was to ask bickelmom a question. I’ll wait here until I get an answer.
Andy,
Look. Roy said “nobody will jump your shit for disagreeing”. Go back and read all of those comments. Not a single one was disagreeing with you, or giving you crap for your dissenting viewpoint on the Helio/Barnhart issue. What everybody’s telling you, to a person, is to 1) relax and lighten up, 2) that we’re not here at this website to discuss business practices of the IRL or like serious subjects, and 3) that we don’t appreciate being insulted and/or condescended to. It’s this third point that I’ve seen you confuse for people disagreeing with you at about four different sites now, and it is this third point that is the crux of the problem. I don’t think people mind hearing a dissenting opinion (I actually disagree with Roy’s take on the Helio penalty topic, for instance, and we’ve had several people over the past year who have been able to come in here and disagree respectfully), but it’s the condescension and lack of respect that you continually show people in these blog comments where you run into trouble.
I’d like to think that I presented this viewpoint with respect, and I may or may not be speaking for the Silent Poagoda community as a whole (they can spray me with lighter fluid and cover me with porcupine quills, if they don’t appreciate what I’m saying, I don’t care), but this is where the center of the problem that you and I have had lies (although you’ve also accused me of plagiarizing your ideas, which…well, there’ll probably be nothing I can say to dissuade you there). I tried to explain this to you at George’s place about three or four months ago and was met with snark by you.
In the meantime, I’m thinking that your addressing of Bickelmom (who, I’d like to point out, never addressed you or anything you said even obliquely), may not be met with good feelings by Hobbson, the Pagodans, or the IRL office in general. You might want to rethink your tactics there.
Here’s for all the IndyCar pundits who enjoy parallel universes. Much of it is technical, and will be out of your league. Skol.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/428064-indycar-series-the-miss-in-the-engine-bay?just_published=1
There goes Speedgeek again…
Is there a rivalry for “paid” bloggers in the IRL virtual world of experts? It is interesting that the world according to the insiders is so synical and it is perplexing to see viewpoints “shut-out.”
Being paid means that you have discreet obediance to the employer…IRL; which currently is trying to establish some new fans. You guys make it difficult for business when you can’t allow others the enjoymnent of dissent. In American Sports you are allowed to have fueds and favorite teams AND evrybody has there own personal reasons. The Sp is a cult religeon with followers so let the flames begin. If this is supported by the IRL it is surprizingly undignified and variegated so be kind and rewind.
“We” is usually an inclusive pronoun…referring to the speaker and others, to people in general,sometimes used instead of “I” or used instead of “YOU”.
If this was all about “YOU” then it is used sarcastically or condescendingly by the speaker.
English assistance for the media-challanged.
To Speedgeek: Not an accusation, an acknowledged fact.
Pessdog, 4/9/10.
Just to clear up another misconception: I receive no compensation for anything I write. My reward is the receipt of punk posts, provocation and profane pronouncements.
In the words of the ‘Dog: “Drink, ye bastards”.
We’ll be singing
When we’re winning
We’ll be singing
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never going to keep me down
Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away
He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the better times
Oh, THAT plagirism. I’ll save everybody an hour of their Sunday afternoon right here. Mr. Bernstein said something in a blog’s comments concerning the weight of the Mazda MZR-R engine, and then a few days later in a summary of the technical points as I understood them about the Delta Wing, I referred to Andy’s idea. Having reviewed the Internet Accreditation Act of 1896, I can see that I was in the wrong. I should have written “…Mazda MZR-R engine (C) Andrew Bernstein…” in what I wrote, as what you should do when presenting any idea on the internet that may or may not have originated from another writer, as that original writer is the only one who is allowed to utter that idea forevermore. My apologies to all, and I hope that the court of public opinion finds it in their hearts to allow me to post future comments here.
Speedgeek on Pressdog, 4/9/10, after being called out:
“Andy,
Hey, most of that stuff that I posted up there was from you. I’ve casted some of that around here and there since the unveiling, but you’re pretty much the only one who’s done a good job of summing up the thoughts on the DW in one place (well, two or three places, but I’m OK with keeping track)”.
Much earlier in this thread, Mr. Miller, I would have invited you to carry on your garbage in either your house or mine, and not continue it on someone elses’s blog. That’s called “propriety”.
I extended that same invitation to you in May, on Oilpressure, where you once again were playing “spear the poster”. The result was your Smack email complete with punk expletives.
I’ll be pleased to again refresh your memory here after your next post.
Otherwise, I’ll continue to wait patiently for bickelmom’s words to occupy the space between the colons.
That’s it. We’re shutting this down. Holy Jesus.