Hey there, IZOD IndyCar Series. You made a decision yet? Time’s running out, you know. I heard you might be going home with Lola. Or Swift. And let me just tell you, baby — that’d be a mistake. A BIG mistake. Let me tell you why.
[spins chair around, sits in it backwards]
Because I’m 38 feet of carbon fiber & sex appeal. THAT’S why. I put the “hard” in “hardcore racing machine,” and you KNOW you want me. Let me ask you this, m’lady — do you have a mirror in your pants? Because I can totally see myself in there.
[licks thumb & middle finger, smooths out eyebrows]
That’s right. That’s just how I roll, baby. Confidently. All these other cars in here? They’re not HALF the car I am. They’re just not. Look at ’em, all flacid & boring. They’re built for safety & asthetics & a bunch of queer stuff nobody cares about. Me? I’m built to rock your world.
[rubs your shoulders seductively]
You’re a fine piece of tail, darling. You really are. You deserve to be satisfied. You can even bring your friend here, the Firestone IndyCar Lights Series. We’ll grab some vanilla candles & some Boone’s Farm Sangria and we’ll all rock it ménage à trois style back at your place. Don’t you worry, sugar — there’s enough of The Wingman to go around.
[ruffies your drink]
Shhh shhh shhh. Don’t listen to the haters, gorgeous. Come ride The Wingman. You won’t be unsatisfied. What do you say?
The Silent Pagodarchives 
“Look at ‘em, all flacid & boring.” I’m cryin over here. Thanks for the laugh today, Hobbson.
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You had me at the pixelated dong. the rest is just gravy.
I agree, the pixelation is superb. The erotic dialogue just adds to it. Having read all that, i now feel dirty and the only thing that will make me feel clean is a Lola, Swift or Dallara.
RT @cappy You had me at the pixelated dong. the rest is just gravy.
Damn.
that picture is hilarious, fella.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
The only thing that could have made this post better is if the Delta Wing had offered the ICONIC board a variety of the finest grapes and promised a selection of fine breakfast cereals for the morning after, like Smoove B is known to do. And that guy can pull tail like no other.
By the way, has anybody ever seen Smoove and Ben Bowlby in the same room together? I think not. I have a feeling that they’re the same guy.
Hey R Kelly, don’t forget the smooth jazz. And the video camera
Great stuff, haha
That’s just the type of car who doesn’t call me the next day. *defiant hair flip* Jerk.
Good grief that was hysterical. I actually stopped as soon as I pulled up the page and said to Bickeldad, “go to Silent Pagoda now there is a pixelated Delta Wang…this has to be good” and, indeed, it was.
all sarcasm aside, i’d actually like to see this thing run indy….but only indy…this car is an innovation, and that’s what indy is about, right? oh wait, innovation isnt profitable….scratch that…guess we will have to see more “crapwagons” at indy….
If you close the cockpit on this, you have something very similar to the Viper Fighters of the original Battlestar Galactica (not the Syfy version… Lorne Greene would kill Edward James Olmos). If so, are we not too far away from attaching lasers, racing aliens, and having ourselves a real life F-ZERO?
Yeah, I know…Battlestar Galactica and F-ZERO in the same post…no, I wasnt that popular with the ladies when I was a teenager.
Does it make sense that, when reading this dialog, I heard the thick Pixburgh stacatto of Ganassi’s voice. The chair twirl sealed it for me as well.
PS I affirm that I’m 18 or over years of age, may I see the unpixelated version now?
PPS I think Carrie’s secretly smitten. Perhaps a quick chat with Sharron will tell her all she needs to know.
R.I.P. Dopey Wing