Final Systems Check

nasa

Four days until Sao Paulo, people. Let’s get our heads on. Go or no-go.

New IndyCar.com?

Go.

Randy Bernard?

GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE NO PRISONERS!!!!! AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!

That’s the spirit. VERSUS?

We’re a go. Commencing Operation MUTE ARUTE. 

Very well. Brazil?

¡Goiás! ¡Filho da puta! ¡¡¡¡¡¡FESTA!!!!!  [quickly erupts into a spirited naked beach-volleyball game]

IZOD?

10-4, we’re a go. Oh … and we just bought the Chrysler Building in New York. It’s now called the Sao Paulo Indy 300 Center. Much love.

Excellent. Maker’s Mark? You ready to officially sponsor the Pagoda yet?

No-go. But we’re getting closer.

Crap. IndyCar.com Fan Forums?

OMG! WE’RE A FREAKIN GO. LOL!!! Hahahaha!!! ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Ugh. Thackston?

GO. [explative deleted] YEAH!

Iannucci?

I guess. Go.

Pagoda Department of Obscure & Long-Winded Historical Comparisons?

We’re a go, Command. BOY ARE WE EVER!! Real quickly, you heard of this Caravaggio fellow, the Italian artist from the 1500’s? Get this — he once “murdered a tennis opponent WITH A DAGGER TO THE GROIN!!” Oh he’s just wonderful!! He’s like the gay, 16th century EJ Viso!! I’ll tell you about it later.

Terrific. Esteemed racing writer Michael Knight?

I AM VERY IMPORTANT AND I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR SUCH FOOLISHNESS.

Ooooookkkaaaaay. Very well. Danica?

Awwwww, ALREADY!? Poop. I’m a go. I guess. Pity.

Chip Ganassi?

You go to hell, Hobbson.

Damnit. TrackForum.com?

Fine. Go. Whatever. It’s probably the last year of American Open Wheel racing anyway. God I wish it was 1983. YOU DIE NOW, BARNHART!!!!! 

Jesus, this has gone sideways in a hurry. Sensible, Positive Reinforcements? Please tell me you’re a go.

Abso-diddily-lutely!!! It’s a big GO!

That’s more like it. Pagoda folk? …

 

49 Comments

Filed under Pagoda Command

49 responses to “Final Systems Check

  1. Fabio Caires

    In portuguese ¡ and ¿ doesn’t exist!

  2. BP

    This reminds me of that fateful week I spent at Space Academy, when I was Mission Commander and landed a man on Mars. Of course, I hadn’t really discovered the joys of bringing a cooler of beers to a track yet back then.

    In any case, here’s to the 2010 season, the Haast Eagle and bringing back the hate to IndyCar.

  3. Jim

    go-go-go-go-go!

  4. That’s more $%^&ing like it. All the doom and gloom on the blogs…THERE ARE RACE CARS FIRING UP THIS WEEKEND! ACTUAL RACE CARS, THAT DON’T HAVE CARBURETORS!

    YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

    Oh, and nice dig at Mike Knight. Seriously, dude. Have a cup of Sanka and calm down, gramps.

    Also, are you implying that George is the Southern Ned Flanders? Because now I’m picturing him with hige glasses and a nice, bushy ‘stache. It’s a good look on him.

  5. That’s more $%^&ing like it. All the doom and gloom on the blogs…THERE ARE RACE CARS FIRING UP THIS WEEKEND! ACTUAL RACE CARS, THAT DON’T HAVE CARBURETORS!

    YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

    Oh, and nice dig at Mike Knight. Seriously, dude. Have a cup of Sanka and calm down, gramps.

    Also, are you implying that George is the Southern Ned Flanders? Because now I’m picturing him with huge glasses and a nice, bushy ‘stache. It’s a good look on him.

  6. Oops. Double post. I guess I’m just that fired up. And now a triple post. Still fired up. I stand by it.

  7. DirecTV? DIRECTV? – “uh, what’s the opposite of go?”.

    Seriously, Pagodaheads, I need your advice – what does a HUGE IndyCar-fan-with-directv-do? All I wanna do is watch my favorite sport, damnit!

  8. (Crap. You’re right. I KNEW I forgot someone.)

    DirecTV?

    [tasers Jim Nabors in the neck … shoots a puppy in the head with a flamethrower] NO GO, dirtbags!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  9. For the record, when Roy calls me up at 4am and asks “ARE YOU READY, MAN? OR ARE YOU F–KING READY?!?!?” it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I sound exactly like Eeyore.

    So go ahead and bail your OWN ass outta jail next time, Roy.

  10. Abso-diddily-lutely???

  11. Bickel Dad

    Oh, I’m ready. I just need to spend Saturday with Carl Edwards. We are going to run people off the road and call it racing.

    Can we get a short story about what would happen to Carl if he tried that with A.J.?

  12. We have commands for key turn. Launch! Launch! Launch!

  13. Hamilton Fish

    Graham Rahal? No go? Christ can someone page Graham for the love of god!?

  14. If only “boogity boogity boogity” wasn’t

    A) asinine;
    2) NASCAR-related,

    we’d have had the perfect “go” from the Versus booth. Alas, Bob Jenkins and Robbie Buhl prefer real commentary, with no need for such juvenile activities.

    You also forgot the jet-fighting bear. I’m disappointed that you haven’t continued to beat it into the ground… because it’s still funny to me.

  15. Jason McVeigh

    Hell yeah!! New Indycar season and Roy still kicking ass at the Pagoda. Let’s do this..(Downs a bottle of paint thinner).. Only sober me up between now and St. Patricks day if there’s a race or a Silent Pagoda posting!!

  16. Shane Rogers?

    Check. Mate. Let’s do it.

    That’s obviously all made up by the way. Danica said more than five words without saying “you know,” you know.

  17. Marc Bever

    Ready? OK!
    Bang, bang, choo, choo train
    Come on IndyCar, Do your thing
    Get um, get um, get um get um,
    Got um got um got um got um…
    Uh and let um roll

  18. DZ

    DZ?
    (headphones on, loudly singing MYYY SIMONAAAA)
    “WHAAAT? Oh, GO! GO! GO!”
    (air drums, slugs beerbong, tosses bong, continues air drumming)

  19. A.J.?

    Aw hell! (spits) You bet yer sweet *^&*%&*% Nancy!

  20. DZ

    @Roy- Perfection.

    Oh BTW, Rahal in IndyCar at St Pete, AND Barber, wiiith….
    “TYMPANIIIII)
    Sarah Fisher Racing!

  21. and bring on them fruity Port-you-geeze sumbitches!

  22. Doug

    Green! Green!! GREEN!!!

  23. Coz

    Golden Malted Mix – Check!
    Buttermilk – Check!
    Eggs – Check!
    Butter – Check!
    Real Maple Syrup – Check!
    Porkie Links – Check!
    WAFFLE IRON OF DESTINY – CHECK!
    Plane ticket to the Mexican section of St. Paul, MN – Check!

  24. Thiago

    Translating:
    “Goiás”: one of the states in Brazil. It had some MotoGP races in the 80s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autódromo_Internacional_Ayrton_Senna_(Goiânia)). I can’t fathom where Hobbson got that.
    “Filho da puta”: son of a bitch, literally and not literally.
    “Festa:” party.
    Fábio, using ¡ and ¿ in this post was part of the joke, I guess. :)

  25. Boo Boo

    [pulls waistband out and peers inside…]

    Yep, I’m ready!

  26. Riss

    Republica? “Ready to Go”

    Thats payback for Sophie B Hawkins, Hobbson. Ill match you on terrible 90s songs anytime.

  27. Ron Ford

    Nice touch with the Hoosiers clip Roy. That is really the essence of Hoosierness. My suggestion would be to go to the Miller Offenhauser Historical Society Website, find the video/audio section, and at the very bottom of the audio list is a recording of the 1963 Hotel Tropicana Novi driven by Bobby Unser going down the front straight. That thing would vibrate the pigeon goop off the grandstand rafters. The only way that Delta Wing thing(?) will work is if it sounds like that. If I was smart enough to put a link into this message I probably would not be visiting the Pagoda. No offense Roy.

  28. redd carr

    Let’s light this…

    (coughs, spits, sips Wild Turkey, tugs down on the brim of a Coyote #14 trucker’s hat, adjusts the rabbit ears on the computer monitor and lights a Chesterfield)

    …candle.

  29. lazlo

    Big-time Go!

    Only 70 days until ‘Operation Coke Lot’ commences!

    [free ether for the first 200 campers]

  30. Carrie

    Carl Edwards nearly killed me Sunday so I’m ready to watch a race from the safety of my armchair.

  31. irlfan

    Graham finally got a ride (although for only 2 races so far)

    Im a go!

  32. Earnastine

    Go-go goodyear!

  33. Neon18

    Talking babies are a go…

  34. boilerrx

    DEAR GOD— BRING US BACK TO EVEN KEEL….I AM BACK ON MY RR AND READY TO ROAR!

  35. There is an old DirectTV dish on my driveway, and I just drove over it with my Suburban. In the backyard, a shining new DishNetwork antenna gleams from the roof.

    WE ARE GO!

  36. Bickelmom

    We are “go” in the Bickel household!

  37. Nicki

    we are an ever loving go in the state of Iowa!

  38. Rob

    Bacon? check. Scotch? Scotch? ummmm. no. But there is beer! check! comfy (but not too) chair? check. We are GO flight.

  39. izod9

    Another great concept and post, “Pagoda Control” is kind of ironic judging by the lack of discipline and control most Pagodians exhibit. Just what makes this site the best.

  40. ernestmiller

    This is Mission Control in Houston. We are scrubbing Pagoda for the remainder of the year. Too windy as always.
    Best Regards, Ernest “No More Wasting My Time Reading This Drivel” Miller

  41. I’ll win you over yet, Ernest Miller — you big cranky lug, you. And if I have to strap 7 million helium balloons to your house & float cross-country w/ you, so be it. JUST YOU WAIT!!!

  42. manfish

    Kick the tire and light the fire!

  43. Coz

    Ernie, I’ll have you scrubbing toilets at Mission Control tomorrow morning if you don’t shape up! NOW HEAR THIS, DIRT BAG! YOU WILL READ THE SILENT PAGODA ON A REGULAR BASIS! YOU WILL LAUGH! YOU WILL RESPOND IN A MORE RESPECTFUL TONE! YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT MR. HOBBSON. THIS IS A BENEVOLENT DICTATORSHIP, AND ROY IS KING! AND IF HE DECIDES TO FLOAT YOUR HOUSE BY BALLOONS TO INDY, KNOW THIS, I’LL BE FIRST IN LINE TO SHOVE ONE BETWEEN MY CHEEKS AND FART. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!?

  44. Hamilton Fish

    I like Pagdoa.

  45. cappy

    PT?

    No go, flight. Because everyone in indycar is so stupid and they can’t see how awesome I am. I’ll show ‘em! I’ll mope and bitch *extra* hard from now on!

  46. Squall

    We are NOT a go on the FanForums. They are done, reasons unknown.

  47. Heit Harrelson

    Barnhart’s cholesterol? Go…wait, no go…wait, this is sausage gravy!! Damn it!

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